In a serious marriage-bound
relationship, two things will often
occur – a wrong that requires
pardon, and an excuse that
demands attention. These two will
help, if courted with care and
wisdom, to test and strengthen the
depth of love involved. To this end,
for joy to be, peace must first be.
Yet peace has its sources and
The devil can offer a false and
faulty version of peace. Such peace
doesn’t only collapse often and
early, but it also ruins more than
what it had helped nursed. The
other Source is God. His version of
peace is not as the world gives. His
peace is anchored on His nature as
God and love for mankind, and not
on any potential benefit or
avoidance of a possible disaster.
First, peace can be concucted as
motivated by mutual interests. As
in, people can settle their
differences merely because they
have a common or shared concern.
For example, married couples
could let go or forego their
grievances to avoid a spillover on
their kids. Actually, whereas it’s ok
to make peace, whatever the
motivation, it’s best if the
inspiration isn’t selfish. As in, if it’s
not to avoid damage, etc. It’s
perfect to make peace out of love
for the person involved, not just for
gains. As it’s written, Christ died
for us while we were yet sinners, so
love must decide how you respect,
why you trust, and when you
rejoice with each other without any
precondition. It’s the best form and
kind there is. Therefore if peace
must reign in your relationship, you
must cease to seek justification
before you forgive or qualification
before you love.



Teachers of the eternal Word must be careful when
they attempt to compare and contrast the will and
holiness of God. The truth is, contrary to popular
opinion, His will determines what is holy, not our
perception of morality. As in, whatever He demands to
be said or done is holy. For example, when He asked
the Israelites to attack and kill the Amorites, that act of
killing when done in obedience however abnormal we
may adjudge it, is holy. But if He orders that we spare
them like He spared the Edomites, killing such would
therefore be an act of unholiness. Heaven doesn’t have
a changeable culture like we here on earth. His will,
not feelings of men, not humanright, not democracy,
not popular trend, not enticing opinions, is holiness.
You maybe uncomfortable with certain of His
instructions, but that is only how far you can go. The
prophets were, the apostles were, but they all obeyed
Him nonetheless. It’s written, let God be true and every
man, a liar. This means He is supreme, ultimate and
sovereign everywhere, everytime and in everything. His
authority isn’t subject to human or angelic approval.
Though He answers our questions if He so pleases, He
isn’t questionable. So when we preach holiness we
must beware to inform our audience that it is defined
by His will, not our moral reasoning. That is why
heaven is for genuine Christians, not mere moralists.
God isn’t authoritative, He is authority.

We belong to us(1)

In a movie, a man saw a lady he
wanted to marry but she was
already tied down by a Church’s
oath of celebacy. To him, she was
an angel though without heavenly
wings, so he prayed thus, “God I’m
told in heaven You have so many
angels, please spare me this one”.
You see when you meet quality
(not just quantity), you’ll say and
do everything just to get and keep
her. You will be desperate in
owning her and jealous in keeping
her (Christ said when a man sees a
pearl of great worth, he will sell all
he has just to buy it), but the truth
at the end is that we men know and
want women with godly character,
not mere goodly reputation. Yes,
you may say that according to the
Bible, in the mouth of two or three
witnesses, a case is established –
so if she is reputed by two or three
believers as good, then it stands to
mean or be that she is actually
good. But we are talking love not
law, and because this claim isn’t
always the case, the question then
is, what if two or three believers
report her as goodly but not godly?
As in or maybe good for the Lord
but bad for ‘the’ Love. Hey! Before
you argue that it’s better this way
than in the reverse, don’t forget that
God Himself is love and our stands,
standings, stances, states and
statuses as Christians are rightly
so questionable if they are without
the basic quality or requirement of
love. However, what is primary or
basic in a Christian marriage-
bound relationship isn’t and
mustn’t be defined, decided or
designed by the man’s selfish ego,
riotous habit or ruinous lust. You
see God doesn’t cause confusion,
and the Bible says that He blesses,
makes rich without adding any
sorrow. So in my opinion, when
things habitually or consistently go
wrong, it is either the union itself
isn’t God’s will or the devil has
crept in. Then again you may ask,
does God really decide who we
should marry? As in can He point
to you who you should marry? My
answer is YES if you’re a believer.
If He is interested in how you dress,
what you eat and where you go,
why not marriage? Besides there
are many biblical instances to
support this assertion, not to
mention the fact that God, not man,
initiated the institution of
marriage. Have you noticed that
the best of wines any human
tongue has ever tasted was
produced by Jesus during a
wedding event? How about Him
likening heaven on seven or so
occasions to marriage in His
teachings and parables. My
favourite bible passage with
regards to courtship, engagements
and marriage is
Ephesians5:22-33. Believers mock
God when they rebuff His rebukes.
As a Christian, the Holy Ghost, not
your emotions, leads or guides your
heart to the right person. This
means contrary to the popular
opinion and report, falling in love
isn’t the ultimate and supreme
factor in deciding God’s will. 99%
of marriages including same-sex
unions are with or between lovers
who are in love, but we know God
doesn’t support sin. However, God
mayn’t lead you to a perfect lady,
but He will guide you to the right
one – the one meant for you. The
person mayn’t be perfect but when
two right people come together, the
match(union) itself (not any of
them) becomes perfect. As Christ
would say, from the beginning God
created them one. So there are as
many women as there are men, the
surplus are perhaps meant to be
eunuchs(I can’t tell). Finally,
please don’t be deceived – if it isn’t
godly, then it isn’t good enough.


These are just twelve of the ways
you can tell you hate a person,
have not yet trully forgiven him or
are still keeping malice.
A) His progress or voice irritates
you even if it’s mutual or a greeting
B) You don’t enjoy praying for him
anymore except asking God to
judge him.
C) You struggle to agree that his
neutral public opinions are not
targeted at you.
D) You would rather prefer a
stranger takes his throne than
watch him sit and smile on it.
E) Future partnership with him is
the last thing on your love list even
though you pretend.
F) For every good attempt or peace
move he makes you have an
overwhelming excuse to pull away,
but adjudge his love as being
abusive until it’s sour and you now
have an excuse to condemn the
G) Sympathy for and gratitude to
him are now overshadowed by
memories of his past mistakes
which you before claimed you’ve
H) You would rather swim ninety-
nine wide oceans to hell all alone
than letting him hold your hand
across one short bridge to heaven.
I) Everytime you remember him,
you are tempted to alter your
personal definition of love.
J) When you recall your past hurts
and say people are wicked, you
actually mean he is evil. Example,
in your heart it goes like this,
‘Nsikan is wicked’ whereas your
lips echo different words.
K) Your liking for his relatives,
friends and neighbours is off,
though you pretend otherwise.
L) You make desperate moves to
fill the void his absence has
created in your life or heart by
attempting to link up with what’s
inferior or available instead of
making those few repentant and
reconciliatory sacrifices you know
would have helped heal the rift
between you two.


The love of self has wronged not
the neighbourhood I belong.
For the image I bear goes through
the phases of beauty.
That God created me to promote
the glory He bears.
And to enjoy the benefits of
faithfulness and trust in Him.
As then shall my hope in life be
crowned with joy untold.
Since the beauty I radiate goes
beyond sense and facts.
Yes! I am nice at heart and so very
handsome by looks.
The world of fashion doesn’t need
to agree before I am what I am.
Yet even in the flesh shall I conquer
betrayals, mockeries and dislikes.
For the apple of God’s eye shall
witness no corruption or doom.


1) Never date or marry an
unbeliever, however religious.
Without God, satan rules.
2) Learn to agree with early, agree
to learn from always, each other.
However abundant your wisdom
and experiences are, there’s
something only your partner can
help heal.
3) Acknowledge tough times but
work mutually and hope for the
best. Never deny each other, if
there’s a quarrel, what you would
share in times of peace.
4) Communicate without barrier,
correct without bias. Secrecy or
lack of transparency only breeds
distrust and regrets – don’t blame
the suspicion.
5) With a smile, never fail to tell
who you love what you hate. What
you say is never more important
than how you say it.
6) Distinguish between what you
want and what you need. Don’t be
tossed by public opinions or mere
popular trends.
7) Share romantic ideals and love
experiences as is consistent with
healthy Christian relationships.
Until two hands meet, there can’t
be a handshake.
8) Insist on initiating peace moves
without attempting to merely win
arguments or justify self. Being
always begged doesn’t make you
right but cruel.
9) Note that most barked down
pleas or discarded complaints may
someday resurface as quarrels.
Groans ignored will gradually erode
mutual joy.
10) Never rate issues of trust or
respect as though inferior to those
of love. Jealousy left unattended
breeds suspicion; compliment not
granted buries loyalty.
11) Learn to create fun often just to
please each other even if doing so
atimes may bore a bit. Loves
begins to die when smile is extinct.
12) Discuss marriage 99%, giving
1% to wedding. The gate maybe
big, but the house is the goal.
13) However angry, never go
physically abusive during
arguments. It often takes an
unbearable time to fly a clap when
you’ve already landed a slap, or
14) Take finance and sex as
serious as water and oxygen. You
don’t need to have cash before you
plan together, or to be in the mood
before you discuss your normal
romantic fantasies.
15) Create a family of mutual
friends without taking for granted,
the already existing family of
relatives. Few things are as
discouraging as showing concerns
in a partner’s relatives or friends
without adequate and appropriate
16) Often create common tasks in
areas of mutual interest. Without
conscious attempts to bond, be
ready to welcome the devil to the
17) Avoid trying to impose an idea
however good, or trick your way to
an agreement. Only a self-centred
lover will consistently oppose your
godly decision, so be patient while
making your partner see reasons
with you.
18) Don’t quarrel no matter what,
because of a third party. You will
have reason to beg for joy
someday if you make your partner
sense even if wrongly, that you’re
taking sides with someone outside
the union.
19) Even in times of shaken peace,
pray for your partner without
ceasing as you would wish you be
prayed for. There’s no good change
you wish to experience including
habits and vices, that God won”t
help you bring it to past, and who
knows if what satan intends to do
is stop your prayers so as to have
an idle space to strike.
20) Prioritize the peace and joy of
the union above the pleasures of
teenage fantasies, peer sentiments
or personal selfish stance.
However well some of your
inelastic principles have worked in
the past, note that a sledge
hammer though good at the
worshop, is imperfect in killing a
mosquito on your television


(1) Don’t weaken your partner’s
faith in and love for God.
REASON: Holiness and Truth are
the only antivirus and collateral
you will ever have in times of
trouble, if there’s any.
ADVICE: Prioritize family devotions
as much as you would your Church
programmes, and never support
each other to sin in anyway
(2)Never mock your partner’s idea
and worry or neglect his or her pain
and complaint however stupid or
REASON: Many lovers have
germaine ideas and feel genuine
pains but only lack the wisdom to
choose the right words and ways to
express them.
ADVICE: Develop the habit of
shunning every other person’s
opinion including those of your
kids, associates, relatives,
neighbours and friends about your
partner’s character while you treat
him or her with love, trust and
respect remembering it’s your
primary duty to do so
notwithstanding his or her
outstanding habitual flaws.
(3)Don’t dread or shy away from
discussing peppered issues no
matter how hot, hopeless or
REASON: Most sticking points not
mutually buried never die until they
breed something worse.
ADVICE: Amos3:3 says it all and I
strongly suggest you study(not just
read) it.
(4)Never assume romance and
money are less important than the
ring on your finger.
REASON: Everybody craves for
ease and pleasure, and in
marriage, the absence of these two
may threaten your joy and peace in
ways untold. Never ever forget that
marriage is more than a mere one-
day wedding event. ADVICE: Never
kill your spouse’ sex drive and urge
except it’s ungodly or unhealthy,
but work on how best to direct it.
When you agreed to marry each
other, you also accepted the
accompanying habits as well.
Discuss each other’s fantasies and
ensure you regularly meet them
lest someone else does. As regards
money-making and management,
without putting irrelevant and
demeaning pressures on the bond,
plan everything together. Men
please take note! Women beware!
(5) Don’t abuse the privileges of
REASON: Not befriending your
child, or trying to impose your
personal yearnings puts you in
direct war with the God that gave
them to you.
ADVICE: Everybody has its own
destiny and there can’t be two ‘you’
in the same family. One is enough.
You are supposed to train up a
child in the way he or she should
go, not to decide the way itself.
That’s God’s role. Many kids have
suffered because dad and mum
wanted them to study what they
called lucrative or professional
courses, forgeting there are nothing
like that. What we have are
lucrative careers. Check out the
professional singers, footballers,
farmers, dancers, carpenters,
athletes, caterers, etc. Please for
destiny’s sake don’t bury a child’s
talent for selfish reasons.
Everybody can’t be engineers,
doctors and lawyers. Let God’s will
be done. No matter how
disappointing initially, it may be, it
always turn out for the better.
Rather than bury a child’s talent,
bury your pride and anger.